Have you heard of the “Effort theory”?
A guy onced explained that in love it is not based on efforts. It goes like this:
“You want cold water. I fan the cup a million times, then someone else walks by with ice.”
“You want something from a person. Maybe you have expectations. I work with blood and sweat to reach your expectations and then suddenly someone else just came by and has that thing you’ve been looking for. So, you go with them instead.”
Sometimes no matter how hard you try to be enough to someone, if you’re not the person they’ve been looking for your “blood and sweat” aka efforts will be ditched to something they prefer. Simply, you’re not the person they wanted to put an effort into them, you’re not “that person”. In love, they say effort should not be based on how big or how little you do, it is how much you care. However, I think in love the efforts given should be matched and not counted on how much you care because the amount of care is equal to how much effort you’re willing to give.
Love, however is such an overrated word these days. Everyone kept on saying “I love you”, it is either said with a mask of sincerity covering the face of a lie. Or saying it with a sincere heart yet no one believes you. Sometimes, love is seen through efforts because the mere saying of the words “I love you” is not enough because sincerity is felt not only by words but through actions. But on the other-hand what is love? Is it just a sensation? A mere feeling? or just an illusion for the hopeless and romantic? What is love?
I remember once I asked my brother, why he loved so much and so deep. And you know what he said? It was the most beautiful thing I ever heard anyone would say. He said:
” You only enter into a relationship because of the mutual feeling you both felt, and that is love. You fell in love with that person because you saw something special and makes you undeniably happy. Gives you reasons to love yourself, love life and make yourself a better person that your past self will be proud of and your future be happy.
That person makes you happy, and that she deserves the kind of love that is consistent. The kind of love that won’t question her efforts, the kind that won’t hurt her.”
‘ Be that guy who messes her lipstick and not her mascara.’ … immediately this reminds me of you and the kind of guy you are to your girlfriend.
“She’s precious. You would rather be the one being cheated on rather the one who cheats. Because why would you? You worked hard to make her yours, to make her smile and to make her happy, why replace those with tears?
I would never cheat on my girl because I’m scared of that thing called karma. ‘What comes around goes around.’ I’m lucky enough if karma comes after me, because I can handle the consequences I myself created. But I can never forgive myself if my karma comes to those I care, I don’t want to see one day you or my future child be crying over someone for the same reasons I did to someone. I can not forgive myself if that happens. Life is cruel enough to let you see the effects of your doings.
You deserve happiness, the kind of love that will treat you right. Because a true man values his woman, a true man never stops making efforts to make her happy even on a very harsh day and a true man knows how to match his girlfriend/wife’s efforts that she is willing to do for him. Life is not perfect and your relationship either but the least you can do is to stay loyal to the person you love. You may not understand these at the moment and i know one day you will, one day some guy will sweep you off your feet and you’ll fall in love. I wish you’ll treat your man the same way you want to be treated, relationships are not a one-way thing. You both deserve the same respect, you both deserve the same kind of love, and the both of you deserve honesty and the truth.”
Thank you, thank you for teaching me what love is, not only the romantic kind of love but also what pure love is. To the girl whom you loved, she was lucky, she was so lucky to be loved by a guy like you – to be loved by you. To who could’ve been your daughter, she must’ve been so lucky to have you as her father, a father that loves too much and is selfless. You don’t count the efforts you do for the people you care, because the efforts you do are freely given. You’re selfless enough to think of me and your future daughter and I am forever grateful to have you in my life. I wish God had given you more time here with us, and see you and your future family, how you would take care of your child but I guess God has other plans for you, I know you’re happy up there. Keep on smiling. I love you and Happy Birthday!
I guess love and efforts come as one, an effort is not based on love and love based on efforts. Your efforts come to how much you love that person, love should be equal. There’s no need on weighing on who gives much than the other because you don’t have to. You shouldn’t weigh or compare, for love is freely given and not coerced. True love is given with your all and not as a “glass half full or half empty” kind. Your efforts reflect on how much you love the person and the right person will appreciate them, no matter how small or how grand that gesture is. Love is love, nothing more and nothing less. Love is not weighed because true love is just right.